He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
im holly from the hills drunk
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
