I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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