Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
