kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
