Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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