I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
