she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
