His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
