Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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