i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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