Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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