I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
should my penis look like a turkey
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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