so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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