curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
