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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
