i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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