Got a toothbrush?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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