Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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