I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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