I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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