i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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