I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
