I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
