omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
