I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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