I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
