i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
