i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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