"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
