it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
