when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
