dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
