This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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