Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
