I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
