Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
