If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Dick very happy bro
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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