weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
