She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We are two peas in an std pod
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
