how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
