just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
