He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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