Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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