You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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