You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
