i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
