ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
