This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
