We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
