i think my tv is drunk
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
