How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
