i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
