do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
