____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
