I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
