508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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